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Project: Fugly Cheap Lanyards
Fri, Oct. 8th, 2010 11:04In any fandom, the ones most likely to be remembered are the ones who behave particularly unusually. Since Chik-Fil-A decided it'd be an awesome idea to host Atlanta football games every Labor Day Weekend with as many not-from-Atlanta teams as they could get, and encourage the fans of said teams to stay in the Peachtree Center area's hotels (instead of, y'know, hosting pre- and post-game events at the hotels closer to the actual stadium so fans would prefer to stay there overnight), we've had a rapidly increasing problem with the uglier jock-wannabe football fans invading Dragon*Con. They demand handouts of liquor from convention people who aren't even hosting room parties; they try to force (or buy) their way into the badgeholder-only events, and they gleefully sexually assault the costumers. And, having ugly minds in the first place, they think all of their behavior is justified by our very existence.
(I have absolutely NO problem with the football fans who are decent human beings, except that as decent human beings they ought to be publicly heaping verbal scorn on the miscreants wearing their colors. But that's another discussion entirely.)
Last year, the D*C host hotels and Dragon*Con Security started limiting access to the host hotel areas to only persons who either had a Dragon*Con badge or a room key for that particular hotel in their immediate possession. This helped a bunch, yet by then the hoodlums were already stealing badges; regardless of the circumstances, lost (and not turned in to Security) or stolen, a lack of badge can only be remedied by going to Registration the next morning and purchasing a new badge for the remainder of the weekend.* As convenient and sturdy as those badge clips are, no design is going to keep a non-piercing metal clip from succumbing to a hard yank. Sturdy lanyards, attached through the hole in the top of the badge, are going to be the best theft-proofing short of an encompassing case on a metal chain.
I'm not making sturdy lanyards. Firstly, I am not anywhere near that skilled; secondly, others are already doing it far better than my meager talents could ever provide, and they're doing it at a very reasonable price. Their lanyards are leather or chainmail, and they look VERY nice.
No, I'm making so-so lanyards, at best. I'm using yarn, the kind sturdy enough to make a purse, generally acrylic, but -- and this is key -- always ugly. My goal is to make sure that even the Mad Hatter would question my artistic taste. In fact, Count Blogg and his Princess would even suggest that those colors don't go well with anything.
One advantage is that the uglier yarns tend to stay in the store long enough to go on sale. Since I'm absolutely not planning to recoup my expenses, much less turn any material profit, discounted prices are very helpful.
Anyway, I'm picking up a skein or so at a time, and fingerknitting it into reasonable lanyard lengths. My plan is to spend some time next Dragon*Con, Thursday afternoon and Friday, trading my Fugly Lanyards to people for symbolic prices: a good deed, or some time spent helping other people to get their own badges, or entertaining parts of the line, or running errands for Disability Services, or schlepping refreshments for the Registration volunteers. Or, if all else fails, a nickel. The important thing is to get people to be aware of the chance that some entitled prat is going to be showing up during the convention, and trying to steal a badge so he can get in to the Dragon*Con Only spaces for nefarious purposes.
I'm figuring that very few of my Fugly Lanyards are going to get used through the end of the con. A shoelace would be better: just as resistant to yanking, just as machine washable, less visually bewildering, and having a smaller chance of triggering an allergic reaction. (Though acrylic will help with that somewhat, and may be okay for animal-fiber-allergic types if not okay for eczema types.) Most of the people who take me up on this offer will be digging out or purchasing a decent lanyard later on; this'll at least get them there without much danger.
Right now, I'm using "Southwest Ombre" (color 02006) from the Loops & Threads "Impeccable" (TM) line. If that link works, it's currently the second sample in the first row; that sample doesn't accurate convey the sense one gets in person of "WHY would anyone put these colors so closely together?!" In fact, I like each of the component colors, it's the mixture in rapid series that can cause a check for loss of SAN. I can (and will!) do worse, though: my next skein, already set aside for the purpose, will be a color I can only describe as "Tim Burton's Lurid Pumpkin Depression".
A couple of years ago, when I was first learning how to fingerknit, I wound up with some glow-in-the-dark yarn. I'd love to find it again. I think it might've been by Bernat, but I no longer have any of the labels. A line of UFO-greenblue alongside a nice, dull brass or grey, that'd be AWESOME at D*C. In an "ow, my eyeballs!" way, of course.
I don't know how many of these I'll get done over the next year. Not enough, certainly. But I see the problem, and I am going to be part of the solution instead of just yammering about what ought to be done, because fifty thousand of my closest peers deserve a trouble-free time on Labor Day Weekend.
And, let's be honest here, because trading away these ugly things will entertain the hell out of me.
*I don't actually know what happens when it's an Eternal or Guest badge that's stolen. I take for granted that we would still have to buy a rest-of-the-weekend badge for that year.
(I have absolutely NO problem with the football fans who are decent human beings, except that as decent human beings they ought to be publicly heaping verbal scorn on the miscreants wearing their colors. But that's another discussion entirely.)
Last year, the D*C host hotels and Dragon*Con Security started limiting access to the host hotel areas to only persons who either had a Dragon*Con badge or a room key for that particular hotel in their immediate possession. This helped a bunch, yet by then the hoodlums were already stealing badges; regardless of the circumstances, lost (and not turned in to Security) or stolen, a lack of badge can only be remedied by going to Registration the next morning and purchasing a new badge for the remainder of the weekend.* As convenient and sturdy as those badge clips are, no design is going to keep a non-piercing metal clip from succumbing to a hard yank. Sturdy lanyards, attached through the hole in the top of the badge, are going to be the best theft-proofing short of an encompassing case on a metal chain.
I'm not making sturdy lanyards. Firstly, I am not anywhere near that skilled; secondly, others are already doing it far better than my meager talents could ever provide, and they're doing it at a very reasonable price. Their lanyards are leather or chainmail, and they look VERY nice.
No, I'm making so-so lanyards, at best. I'm using yarn, the kind sturdy enough to make a purse, generally acrylic, but -- and this is key -- always ugly. My goal is to make sure that even the Mad Hatter would question my artistic taste. In fact, Count Blogg and his Princess would even suggest that those colors don't go well with anything.
One advantage is that the uglier yarns tend to stay in the store long enough to go on sale. Since I'm absolutely not planning to recoup my expenses, much less turn any material profit, discounted prices are very helpful.
Anyway, I'm picking up a skein or so at a time, and fingerknitting it into reasonable lanyard lengths. My plan is to spend some time next Dragon*Con, Thursday afternoon and Friday, trading my Fugly Lanyards to people for symbolic prices: a good deed, or some time spent helping other people to get their own badges, or entertaining parts of the line, or running errands for Disability Services, or schlepping refreshments for the Registration volunteers. Or, if all else fails, a nickel. The important thing is to get people to be aware of the chance that some entitled prat is going to be showing up during the convention, and trying to steal a badge so he can get in to the Dragon*Con Only spaces for nefarious purposes.
I'm figuring that very few of my Fugly Lanyards are going to get used through the end of the con. A shoelace would be better: just as resistant to yanking, just as machine washable, less visually bewildering, and having a smaller chance of triggering an allergic reaction. (Though acrylic will help with that somewhat, and may be okay for animal-fiber-allergic types if not okay for eczema types.) Most of the people who take me up on this offer will be digging out or purchasing a decent lanyard later on; this'll at least get them there without much danger.
Right now, I'm using "Southwest Ombre" (color 02006) from the Loops & Threads "Impeccable" (TM) line. If that link works, it's currently the second sample in the first row; that sample doesn't accurate convey the sense one gets in person of "WHY would anyone put these colors so closely together?!" In fact, I like each of the component colors, it's the mixture in rapid series that can cause a check for loss of SAN. I can (and will!) do worse, though: my next skein, already set aside for the purpose, will be a color I can only describe as "Tim Burton's Lurid Pumpkin Depression".
A couple of years ago, when I was first learning how to fingerknit, I wound up with some glow-in-the-dark yarn. I'd love to find it again. I think it might've been by Bernat, but I no longer have any of the labels. A line of UFO-greenblue alongside a nice, dull brass or grey, that'd be AWESOME at D*C. In an "ow, my eyeballs!" way, of course.
I don't know how many of these I'll get done over the next year. Not enough, certainly. But I see the problem, and I am going to be part of the solution instead of just yammering about what ought to be done, because fifty thousand of my closest peers deserve a trouble-free time on Labor Day Weekend.
And, let's be honest here, because trading away these ugly things will entertain the hell out of me.
*I don't actually know what happens when it's an Eternal or Guest badge that's stolen. I take for granted that we would still have to buy a rest-of-the-weekend badge for that year.
